“Please Understand, I Have My Own Dreams and What Makes Me Happy Is Not Always The Same As What Makes You Happy”
As I have said before, there is such a strong focus on fixing and curing Autism, or trying to make autistic people fit in or be more like neurotypical people that people forget they are also children and people just like everyone else and they are also entitled to be happy, respected, and to have their OWNS DREAMS and find and fulfill THEIR purpose. In fact I have encountered many people especially professionals who seem to believe that autistic do not have an imagination and could not possibly have dreams and wishes of their own, but this is just not true.
I genuinely feel that one of the purposes of People with Autism, Down’s syndrome, Asperger’s, disabilities etc. is to bring out the best in us and to bring more Love, Compassion, Patience and Understanding into this world. It is not Autism that needs fixing and curing, but people´s thinking and attitudes:
Instead of trying to fix them, nurture them
Instead of trying to cure them, connect with them.
If you hate and fight their Autism seeing it as bad and a disease, what you are doing is hating a part of them. We understand people in different countries speak different languages, have different customs, dress differently and most people accept this. So please do the same for your autistic child or the autistic person you know. It is important to accept Autistic people as they are and understand, yes they are different, but let’s accept and embrace those difference
Every Person Has Value And Every Person Has A Purpose And Reason For Being Here
My son is autistic, but if you ask him are you happy, with a big smile on his face he will say YES. Parents and people are often so blinded by fear of autism (me included years ago) that they forget some the most important thing of all, ARE THEY HAPPY? AND WHAT WOULD MAKE THEM HAPPY? Not what is the latest miracle therapy and treatment that claims it can cure autism.
You may be surprised to hear that my son has so many dreams and what those dreams actually are, here are just a few I would like to share:
I want to be a father and have 3 children
I want to go to the Lion King Show in New York
I want to drive a vehicle
I want to visit Neverland (previously Graceland)
I want to go Great White Shark Cage diving
I want to go to Disneyland and Universal Studios in America
I want to visit, China, India, New York, France
Many of his other dreams have come true i.e. to ride a horse, to go to the Lion King Show in London, to see the Shrek Musical, to climb a mountain etc.
But what is important to remember is, these ARE HIS DREAMS, this is what MAKES HIM HAPPY.
I have spoken with so many parents who have children with Autism and what I frequently hear is what THEIR dreams are for their autistic children and NOT what their autistic children actually want. I have often heard parents say (in the past I was the same)
I just want them to go to a normal school
I want them to go to and have birthday parties like other kids
I want them to enjoy and have Christmas like other kids
I want them to be able to get a job
I want them to have friends and for other kids to play with them
I am not saying there is anything wrong with these things, but they are your dreams for them, whilst that may have made you happy, it does not mean it will make them happy. If doing things such as birthday parties is distressing them, then clearly it is not what makes them happy. Please understand I am not saying you should not assist your child with their challenges and help them with their speech and language, sensory issues etc. I continue to assist Tobias with his challenges such as his speech and language delays, but I embrace and accept his autism and love him as he is, I no longer work from a place of FEAR. But from a PLACE OF LOVE, assisting all I can to nurture him and make HIS dreams a reality and not my dreams and expectations for him a reality.
John Lennon said
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
Please Do Not Lose Sight Of What Really Matters In Life
