Does My Autistic Child Love Me? Can Autistic People Love?
Here are some common beliefs people have about autistic people:
a) They do not look at me or respond to my affection and hugs that means they do not love me.
b) They do not know I Love them because they do not look at me when I say it.
c) They do not love me because they do not tell me they love me.
d) They do not love me because they do not hug me or show any physical affection and in fact pull away from physical contact with me.
Love can be deeply expressed in the heart without a touch or even a look. People can say I love you and not mean it, they can hug you and not even like you. Other people can love and care for you deeply, but never utter the words ´I love you´. Many of you reading this believe in God, do you need God to come and give you a physical hug and for him to tell you in a big booming voice ´I love You´ in order for you to Love him and believe in him. No, you Love him because you have faith and believe. So please have the same faith and love for your child, friend, and sibling etc. who has autism. If you believe part or all of the statements a) to b), then you have no idea how much your child with autism truly loves you, they just maybe cannot express it in the way you and I have become accustomed to, or should I also say how we have been programmed and preconditioned to believe how people should behave and what they should say if they love us.
A helpful way for you to understand this, I live in Spain, for many years my Spanish was not very good, I knew some words but there were so many words I did not know. I could not express so much of what I meant or what I wanted because I did not have the language skills and ability to do so. I often got misunderstood, I often felt frustrated, vulnerable and isolated. Can you imagine how so many people with Autism must feel, they are dealing with their own challenges and other people´s expectations of them, which are not based on what they can do or what they want, but normally on what we think they are able to do and what we think they should want. You would not ask a deaf person to listen, you would not ask a blind person to describe what you are wearing, yet how much is expected of people with Autism just because their challenges and impairments are not visible and noticeable in the same way as deaf and blind people. In my blog post, titled the Loving Pure Heart of an Autistic Child, I believe you will realize (some of you may already realize) that not only do autistic people love, but there love is often so much purer, deeper, lasting, truer and sincerer than the people who have the abilities and can say I love you and give you the hugs.
My son would once not even look at me, he would not talk, his body would become rigid and he would pull away if I hugged him. He would not respond to his name and he would self-harm and he would use my arm like an extension and just hold it and use it to reach something. I too, once felt he did not love me or even know I was his mother, and I too thought he did not even know I loved him. Below is a picture of something he made and gave to me when he was 5 or 6 years old, I was so touched and so shocked, when he gave me this because at this point he had never said I love you Mummy, it says Tobias Booklet, I Love You, and one day he did say I love you Mummy and that was such a beautiful moment, it really was. So never give up, it is all in there even if they do not write it, show or say it now, it is all in there in the booklet of their beautiful heart.
