A sad and common belief people hold, is that Autistic People do not speak or have limited speech so there is no point speaking to them. They also think they are not listening and speak about them infront of them, as if they were not even there. Would you enjoy being treated like that?
Social impairments, difficulty with eye contact and language and communication challenges are often cited as the main reason for people with Autism not engaging in conversation. It is always interesting to me, how people often blame the autistic person and make it appear the problem is always with them due to their autism. However I have often observed, that people frequently do not speak much to Autistic, especially if they are nonverbal or if they have very limited language or talk repetitively about the same thing. And if people do speak to them, often they change their tone and the whole manner they speak, so that it is NOT in the same way they would normally speak to a non-autistic person. I assure you, even if an autistic person is nonverbal or has little speech, they are aware of the difference.
For example, I have often overheard my son making great efforts to speak with others and the response to what he says is normally, really, oh right, or they simply repeat what my son has said, they are not really listening or taking an interest in what he is saying, or responding in a way that will encourage him to speak more. So, understandably, he will often give up and just walk away and I know he is aware, that people speak to him differently. Can you imagine you are sitting at a table making great effort to speak with someone, trying to find some way to connect and all that person does is look away, just say yeah, yeah, oh right and not really pay attention to what you are saying, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? Yes I want you to PLEASE STOP, STOP RIGHT NOW and really think about it, how would you actually feel, especially if that it is the way you were treated most of the time by people.
Many people will say oh, but they keep talking about the same things again and again i.e. trains. Well great, if they keep talking about a topic, then that is an opportunity to create a bridge and a connection with an autistic person. Think about it, how do we make friends, most of the time we connect and make friends through sharing a common interest and/or purpose. When my son was really interested in something and kept talking about it, instead of rolling my eyes and going here we go he is talking about sharks again. I would become thoroughly enthusiastic about the topic, I would get visual encyclopaedias, books, DVD´s and toys and I would thoroughly enjoy learning about sharks.
I was amazed at how many different types of sharks there were, I was so amazed to discover there were Lemon Sharks, Guitar Sharks, Milk Sharks and Nurse Sharks and so many more, then I would make jokes with my son and say are there any Diet Coke Sharks or how about a Coffee Shark and we would laugh so much and try and come up with new types of sharks. And this can be so educational and fun, as you can get the world map out and look together at where these different sharks live, you can develop their expressive language skills for example by talking about the different sharks features i.e. teeth, length, colour etc.
You can play games you can take turns being the shark, or pretend you are both in a boat trying to get away from a shark, the opportunities here are endless and it is so much fun and you get to learn. Here is a small list of some things I have learned so much about or learned to do thanks to my son:
Climb a mountain (even though I am scared of heights), ride a horse, Thai Boxing, Planets, Egyptology, Writing Mandarin, Creating Oil Paintings, Play Chess, how to make things from Paper Mache, Sharks, Dinosaurs, Snakes, Dogs, Animals, Different Languages, swim, cook very well and so much more.
So please if your child, adolescent or adult with Autism is nonverbal, or has little speech please DO NOT IGNORE THEM
But make an effort to talk to them, NOT at them. It is a skill that can be developed, simply talk to them as if they understand every word you say, if they are completely nonverbal and cannot reply, still pause and engage with them as if you got a reply from them. And try to make it about them and maybe something they are interested in, it may be tricky at first, but I promise, with continued effort and practice it will be second nature.
Please know, it will mean so much to that person who is nonverbal or who has limited speech, even if they do not express it.
